Believe it or not!
On the auction last night, believe it or not, I was asked to read an ad about BICYCLE REPAIR which included a SAFETY CHECK.
Unfortunately, I was on the air and could not bid for it!!!
The only way it could have stranger is if they would have followed that with an item featuring first aid supplies.
My first table captain, Derek, always waved--every time he was on, even later on at 10:45 when Joel (from the Call In On Crime) had him on. I think Derek waves because he doesn't like smiling. Or apparently Joel. I think Derek liked me best. So there.
Joel and I kept pointing at each other while Joel, patiently, was waiting his turn to get on the air. Once he did get on the air, he did a great job with his announcements. And he didn't arrest ANY of his table captains. Even Derek. (Groaner of the night: "I'll have you steal second on your way to our first item." Ugh. Sports night. Get it? Ugh.)
Suggestions for Joel, the police officer, for next year:
* The items on this table are just arresting.
* To let these items get away would be a crime.
* Don't drink and bid. Unless you want to. Then its okay.
* Some of these items are hot. And by hot, I mean they are a steal.
* Buy this stuff or I'll write you a ticket. And then you'll pay anyway.
* I don't believe in police brutality, but if you don't buy this stuff--I may beat you to it.
Some lines I decided not to use:
* Pvease buy the items here for bid, or ve have vays to make you bid.
* Won't you ALP out PBS and buy some of these great items?
* The best in chiropractic care, tax preparations and dining on here on the B board. So if you have a bad back, can't add and think licking on a stick of butter is a good nutritious dinner--we may be able to help you out.
* I'm missing "Smallville" for this? Let's get back to that other station with a frog on the screen. (And yes, I recorded it.)
* The best in chiropractic care, tax preparations and dining on here on the B board. Unfortunately, I'm presenting the A board. All I got here is a picture of Xena kissing Gabrielle.
* Won't someone please bid on the Milwaukee Turner Gymnastic lessons this time? We're all growing tired reading this one and it NEVER gets bid on! Stop the cycle.
Back to the auction . . .
Some of my other table captains were also a little odd. All very nice, but some just a little odd. One had a thing for frogs in capes. One of the others couldn't understand what item they were supposed to show and got confused by our complex C pattern we use on the table. Then there was Bruce who let an entire chair disappear.
Wonder why I was reading about a chair that wasn't there while they showed the board on the screen? Well, I was reading the table and I saw them take away the chair that was last on our table. My table captain didn't notice and I could only wave so much at them. I think they thought I was show boating. That, of course, is ridiculous because I didn't drop my drawers. Anyway, once I read about the chair, ten MATC students stared at each other while the lead stage manager dude took off at warp speed into the warehouse. He arrived back by the time I was wrapping up and did a little Vanna White deally-bob there.
(By the way, why is it always Vanna White? Can't we call it Diane Parkinson? She worked on Price is Right much longer than Vanna's career and she agreed to the Playboy spread. Never got her due even though Bob Barker couldn't keep his hands off her. Someone ought to spay or neuter that dude.)
One set of two abstract paintings that I had to auction had one painting show up with cracked glass frame. That's when I first learned that someone that works at PBS can swear. I wanted to tell to take his pottymouth over to the S table, but you know, I would end up there for sucking so bad and all so I refrained. They ran around and decided to re-frame the painting but to only show one painting on the air. I'm not sure if anyone noticed. It was, after all, abstract art. I read both descriptions and still can't tell you which painting we had up there.
And...in case you were wondering...the stein and mug I had up for sale apparently went for $20 (LESS THAN MY COST!!!) and the item I put up for wild, unbridled passion for one night with me wasn't bid on at all. I wanted to cry. I knew I should have thrown in dinner.
Tim
"Captain Catastrophe"
Unfortunately, I was on the air and could not bid for it!!!
The only way it could have stranger is if they would have followed that with an item featuring first aid supplies.
My first table captain, Derek, always waved--every time he was on, even later on at 10:45 when Joel (from the Call In On Crime) had him on. I think Derek waves because he doesn't like smiling. Or apparently Joel. I think Derek liked me best. So there.
Joel and I kept pointing at each other while Joel, patiently, was waiting his turn to get on the air. Once he did get on the air, he did a great job with his announcements. And he didn't arrest ANY of his table captains. Even Derek. (Groaner of the night: "I'll have you steal second on your way to our first item." Ugh. Sports night. Get it? Ugh.)
Suggestions for Joel, the police officer, for next year:
* The items on this table are just arresting.
* To let these items get away would be a crime.
* Don't drink and bid. Unless you want to. Then its okay.
* Some of these items are hot. And by hot, I mean they are a steal.
* Buy this stuff or I'll write you a ticket. And then you'll pay anyway.
* I don't believe in police brutality, but if you don't buy this stuff--I may beat you to it.
Some lines I decided not to use:
* Pvease buy the items here for bid, or ve have vays to make you bid.
* Won't you ALP out PBS and buy some of these great items?
* The best in chiropractic care, tax preparations and dining on here on the B board. So if you have a bad back, can't add and think licking on a stick of butter is a good nutritious dinner--we may be able to help you out.
* I'm missing "Smallville" for this? Let's get back to that other station with a frog on the screen. (And yes, I recorded it.)
* The best in chiropractic care, tax preparations and dining on here on the B board. Unfortunately, I'm presenting the A board. All I got here is a picture of Xena kissing Gabrielle.
* Won't someone please bid on the Milwaukee Turner Gymnastic lessons this time? We're all growing tired reading this one and it NEVER gets bid on! Stop the cycle.
Back to the auction . . .
Some of my other table captains were also a little odd. All very nice, but some just a little odd. One had a thing for frogs in capes. One of the others couldn't understand what item they were supposed to show and got confused by our complex C pattern we use on the table. Then there was Bruce who let an entire chair disappear.
Wonder why I was reading about a chair that wasn't there while they showed the board on the screen? Well, I was reading the table and I saw them take away the chair that was last on our table. My table captain didn't notice and I could only wave so much at them. I think they thought I was show boating. That, of course, is ridiculous because I didn't drop my drawers. Anyway, once I read about the chair, ten MATC students stared at each other while the lead stage manager dude took off at warp speed into the warehouse. He arrived back by the time I was wrapping up and did a little Vanna White deally-bob there.
(By the way, why is it always Vanna White? Can't we call it Diane Parkinson? She worked on Price is Right much longer than Vanna's career and she agreed to the Playboy spread. Never got her due even though Bob Barker couldn't keep his hands off her. Someone ought to spay or neuter that dude.)
One set of two abstract paintings that I had to auction had one painting show up with cracked glass frame. That's when I first learned that someone that works at PBS can swear. I wanted to tell to take his pottymouth over to the S table, but you know, I would end up there for sucking so bad and all so I refrained. They ran around and decided to re-frame the painting but to only show one painting on the air. I'm not sure if anyone noticed. It was, after all, abstract art. I read both descriptions and still can't tell you which painting we had up there.
And...in case you were wondering...the stein and mug I had up for sale apparently went for $20 (LESS THAN MY COST!!!) and the item I put up for wild, unbridled passion for one night with me wasn't bid on at all. I wanted to cry. I knew I should have thrown in dinner.
Tim
"Captain Catastrophe"
posted by Tim Kretschmann @ 8:57 PM
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